I having been thinking about the last 7 months. On Dec 28, 2016, I created my first blog post. I started this blog because I needed a change in my life. A decision was made, that a new way of thinking was needed. I believe somewhere along the way I got lost and I went on a journey to find myself. Being a mother, sometimes you focus so much on everyone else, you forget about your own needs. That was where I was at. I was not enjoying life. I was in zombie mode and I don’t believe I was a very happy momma or wife. I yelled and complained and grumbled. Everything stressed me out, little or big. I now look at the things on the floor that have been left by one of the kids and say “oh well, it is ok”. I still pick it up or ask the one who left it on the floor to pick it up, but I don’t scream and holler and complain and get angry. I believe I am now found. I don’t think I am entirely fixed, but I believe that a transformation has begun. I decided I needed to enjoy life. I don’t intend on allowing those little things in life get me down and cause anger inside me.
Anger can cause your heart to turn black and full of gunk. I don’t like feeling that way. Of course, my world is not perfect, but what is perfect. There is one person in this world that is perfect and his name is Jesus. He is the only one that we can turn to and rely on. If it was not for my Lord, I don’t know where I would be today.
I knew for a long time I was not right. I knew in my heart that I was an angry person, but I didn’t know how much until it was pointed out to me. If it was not pointed out to me I may still be on a path of rampage and destruction. Thank you to that individual who showed me I am not happy. That individual was my husband, and am thankful he never has given up on me. It is important sometimes to do a self-examination. You might be surprised what you see, or you might be ashamed of how you treat others. I am ready to be happy. I am ready to enjoy life. Since January 1st 2017, I feel I transformed my way of thinking. I have made a point to be thankful for things everyday. I have made an effort to treat others as I would like to be treated. I have decided to have more fun and live a more adventurous life. I only have one life, I intend to make my next 40 years much greater than my first 40 years.
So many people, including myself, go through life not appreciating what life has given us. We don’t have a lot but it really does not matter. What matters is how we feel inside. What matters is how we deal with what life has brought us. It matters how we treat others and how we treat our self. If we don’t love our self, how can anyone else love us back. For the first time in a while, I actually like who I am. I think that is the first step in healing. The second step is to live life to the fullest and don’t let the little things or big things in life cause you to stumble. Everything happens for a reason. We may not know what that reason is, but we have to accept the fact that it’s happening and we are going through it. We have to live, live till the Lord calls us home, and I believe the one true Creator, wants us to live like there is no tomorrow. That is exactly what I plan to do.