As a little girl, I often thought about growing up and becoming a mother. I could not wait to get married and have children. In my head, I had it all planned out. I knew what I wanted to name my children, long before I even met the man I was going to marry. When I actually got married, my husband and I waited about two years till we had our first child. We were so excited to have a baby boy. A few months after we had our first child, I became ill, all of a sudden. I went back to my obstetrician, and they looked me over and decided to give me a pregnancy test. They set me aside and told me gently, “You are expecting another baby”. I could not believe it. I just sat there and cried, not because I didn’t want any more children, but because the baby boy who I cradled in my arms, was only 3 months old.
I was not ready emotionally for another baby. It was quite overwhelming. They gave me an ultra sound just to be sure the pregnancy test was accurate, and there she was. At the time, I was unaware that this baby growing inside me was a girl, but after I saw her at just a few weeks old, I cried tears of joy this time. I loved her from the second I saw her.
We were a family of four for 12 long years. We had one boy and one girl. We were happy with our little family. We had thought about having more children, at times. Sometimes my husband wanted another one and I didn’t or vise versa, I wanted another and he didn’t. So we decided that we were perfect just the way we were. Of course, God had another plan for us. In 2010, I found out I was pregnant, again. Yep, that was a surprise, I was not expecting. I was shocked, but not upset.
As this wee babe grew inside me, I just knew it was a girl. Everyone around me felt the same way. I remember looking at cute bows and adorable little dresses. At my 20 week ultrasound, my mother and two older children gathered around me and watched in anticipation as the baby wiggled and squirmed on the computer screen. The baby stretched real big, and the doctor asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby. Of course we all were dying to know. When she said we were having a healthy baby boy, I was stunned by the news. I really didn’t care if this baby was a boy or a girl, I just wanted him or her to be healthy, but deep down inside I just knew I was having a girl. We all chuckled and my daughter was a bit disappointed, but ultimately we were just happy he was healthy.
I have to admit, dressing up a little girl again would have been fun. We even had a girl’s name picked out, Piper Nicole. So we went back to the drawing board to find a name. My husband was picking this name out, since I had already, long ago, picked out the names of our older two. Our planning for baby boy Williamson began.
We have been a family of five for six years now. Our youngest son is now in Kindergarten, our daughter is a Senior in high school and our oldest son is in college. A lot has changed since the unexpected blessing of our third child. For six years now, there have been five chairs, five plates, five glasses, and enough food for five hungry people. The living room has always been brimming with laughter and every piece of furniture was filled with all five us. Times are changing a bit now. We are suddenly becoming three.
Every parent goes through the empty nest syndrome. I am just not sure that every parent is prepared for the house to feel so uninhabited. Our older two still live at home, but their absence from the home has increased. They both have jobs and my son is in college. In a short few months my daughter will move on campus at her college. Fortunately the college is an hour and a half a way. Not too far for momma to go and visit and not too far for her to come home on weekends. Our son is often at his girlfriends, at college, or working. We seldom see him. I knew this time would come some day, and I am so thankful that God gave us our little boy, so our house would not feel so desolate all of a sudden.
Our oldest two are so close in age that it has always felt like we were raising twins. They were either doing everything together or one would finish and the other would start. I knew that we would have back to back graduations, and two in college, but I just really didn’t know how much their absence would affect me.
Every mother knows their children will eventually leave. I mean that is our goal, right? We love them, protect them, educate them and prepare them. Our goal is to make sure that they have all the skills so they can become productive individuals in society. We do all this, and we are still so unaware how time goes by so quickly. Their wings will soon become strong enough and they will take flight to go on their own adventures.
I often wondered how that momma bird feels when her last little, baby birdy jumps off that branch and flies off for the last time. She has to be so nervous for them. I wonder if she worries about them and hopes that she sees them again. I wonder is she feels the emptiness in her heart as she sees them fly off into the distance. I know our daughter and son are not going far off, but they are not that little boy and little girl anymore that would run around and play and give each other kisses. They don’t run up to me and want me to hold them or kiss their boo-boos. They are no longer completely dependent upon me. That is very difficult. They both are adults now, and it is really hard to change my way of thinking. I still see them as babies, instead of my grown adult kids.
Becoming a family of three instead of five is very hard on this momma. I know we will always be a family of five and eventually we will be adding more to our family, but some days I wish we could go back just a few years when we were together more often than we are apart. I thank the Lord for all three of our children. I am proud of each one of them. All three of them have very distinct personalities and of course they have their moments where those personalities are not so pleasant, but I love them no matter what.
Love You Forever, by Robert N. Munsch is my favorite book and no matter how many times I read it, I cry like a baby. I just read it the other day to our littlest for the first and by the time I finished the book, both of us were sobbing. So if my children ever read this article you are reading at this very moment, I want them to know that they are the reason I adore this book, because these few words that is written in the book is exactly how I feel about them. “I will love you forever, I will like you for always, As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be”
I have never once regretted being a mother. I have loved every minute of it. I am anxious to see where the next few years lead, and even though right now we are “three” more often than we are “five”, some day we will be so much more.